Another Semester Passes

Well, another semester has met its end. I'm sitting here, relaxing & studying, before my final exam, and reflecting on this semester has been hard to resist. I've learned alot of interesting things, inside and out of class, and I thought I might share. First, philosophy is a spiritually corrosive discipline that one must attempt to over come the corrosive effects of or lose all sense of the world beyond themselves. I've found that the more I study for my major, the more I find myself distraught with the way I've been living, have lived, the like. It's hard to face yourself and your past selves and know something is dreadfully wrong with them in varying, and often times similar, ways. I've also learned that people ultimately have short social memories. You can leave for a long period and if you haven't left a strong impact on people, they lose interest. However, leaving for a good while can help you learn who truly cares to see you when you get back. Lastly, and most important, I've learned life is hard alone, especially in college, and we should do our best to try and avoid doing it alone. That's all for now, I'll probably check back in after school starts in January. Until then, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Feeling Lost

I can't help but feel like I've fallen off the face of the world now that I'm back on campus again. Kinda hurts that the people who were always telling me they missed me while I was gone pretty much welcomed me back and never gave me a second look since. I get treated more like a novelty item now than an actual person. There's a few people who still recognize me as some kind of human being, to them I'm more than grateful. You'd think I'd have fallen from the face of the planet rather than have gone abroad for the semester. Seems like the people who were most excited for me are the ones least interested in me now.

Still...

It's very strange to be reconciling the life I've lived the past six months (self-sufficient and independent, yet overwhelmingly lonely). I've felt more like a returning exile since classes started than a traveler come home. I still feel the aches of ostracization as though I had been voted into going abroad. Yet at the same time, I've been longing to come back so much that I've broken into tears over it before. Settling myself is going to be hard these next few months and I just don't have the time to do it either. I think this may completely disillusion me for the remainder of my time at Covenant.

Journal Excerpt

It's been a while since I updated the blog. So I'll be quick and leave a nice little journal excerpt:

The Rain is a sooting peace to me. I guess it's always been a symbol of peace to me. Even in my poetry. That's why I have come to think of peace as a blessing which comes and goes like the rain; at the will of God. Yet, storms are different. While they come and go like the rain, they remind me of death and the end. Death has peace to it, just as a storm has rain, but storms make you question if there'll be anything left in it's wake. Death makes you ask the same thing. No wonder I look to storms with excitement, so that I can look to death without fear.

And God tells me: "Peace be with you."

And I say to others: "And also with you."

Poetry Excerpt

Following is a brief excerpt of raw poetry from my private journal. I've been working on it, fancying it up, but sometimes its nice to show what your poetry looks like when you first set it to page.

Is rest only for the dead?
Is life to wreck not only flesh, but soul as well?
I have stumbled far too simply,
yet I've fallen far too hard.
In contrast I have seen my soul,
and in patterns I weep for its stains.

I cannot wash them!
I cannot wash them!
For my sight is back
and I can see them!

There stands the Reaper,
holding rest, and I am shy.
Too shy to stain myself in the blood.
The Blood of I AM.

OK, Sorry

Sorry for ignoring this so long. Slovakia has been more fun than even I can handle. Here's some photos. You can guess, or you can ask in a comment; your choice.